i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
