Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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