i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
No subtext here. People are naked.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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