By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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