last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
