So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
