I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
