how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
