And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
