I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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