Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
