Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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