I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
