If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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