i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
