Just cropdusted the office
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
