it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
