gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
