Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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