he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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