After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
