you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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