How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
