I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
