Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
