He is like the real live version of the state fair..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize