All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
