I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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