Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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