I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
