It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
