Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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