One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
