the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just invented taco cereal.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
