if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
