you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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