Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Randomize
