I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
