Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize