i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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