some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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