We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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