haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
