I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
