my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
