Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
