i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
