I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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