Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
