My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
