i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
