woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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